Cecilia Weckström

Somebody came to me the other day and told me they had been told to speak to me, because of my uncanny talent of connecting people and forging links between people with problems and people with solutions. This has me dumbstruck for a few seconds as I had never thought of myself as such. Nor is this a skill people often quote in either job adverts, or even on their CVs, but I have come to realise it is an essential skill particularly when working in big organisations.

Surely enough, after listening for a moment to this person’s account of their skills, abilities and interests I could recommend about 5 people to speak to, whose problems would either be solved by speaking to this person in front of me, or who could advice on steps going forward. I did this without even thinking about it, because again, it is not something I’m conscious of. Someone listening in pointed this out to me later on and I’ve tried to think more deeply about this to try and explain what is happening.

1. Are you curious and interested in people?
Are you fascinated by people, how they tackle the challenges ahead of them, the problems they come across, how people relate to one another and so on? Someone told me recently I do a lot of active listening, again something I wasn’t aware of, but this is an essential skill in being able to get to the heart of the matter as people invariably, often even subconsciously, tell you more openly about what’s on their mind if they feel you are truly listening and interested in what they have to say, rather than having that look on your face, which suggests that you are actually right now only thinking about what you will say to this person as soon as they have stopped talking. This is essential in getting people to open up, but also to trust you and the truth is: you can’t fake it. If you really couldn’t care less, no amount of acting will convince the person in front of you otherwise and you will never get to the bottom of things.

2. Are you open-minded?
This goes hand in hand with the previous point. I’m not saying you have to be entirely happy-go-lucky without a care in the world of what’s happening or where life is taking you, but that you are able to put those ambitions and single-minded drive to one side and not let them cloud your judgement or prevent you from seeing opportunities in front of you or even other people. Many problems or indeed situations can only be solved by a very lateral view of the context where the problem exists and only if you are open minded are you able to see those links and connections. It is an interesting phenomenon and essentially it is about a fluidity of being able to switch from your point of view to another person’s point of view, look at things from their perspective and maybe even a few more people’s perspectives, but essentially being comfortable doing it without a fear of loss of self. I suppose a pre-requisite is self-confidence and an intrinsic understanding of yourself, so you can do it without feeling threatened or even worry that you will lose your own perspective by looking at things from another person’s. But being open-minded enough to be able to do it, means you will also see things you probably hadn’t seen when just looking at things from your own view and those are the opportunities, which are golden.

3. Are you generous with your time, thoughts and ideas?
I often see people holding back on compliments, connections or even ideas – not wanting to share them with friends, colleagues or even relative strangers, because of..well, I can only call it jealousy or a fear that giving away too much means they will get ahead of you in some way. This is a very small-minded approach, because people often forget that being generous with advice, ideas, contacts whatever is about sharing good karma, that is something you will be remembered for and the word will travel in the most unusual of ways to come back to support you later, whereas small-minded pettiness will only do one thing: make sure your time was completely wasted.

Also many conflicts exist because people focus in on one thing which really annoys them about another person, and soon cannot see the forest for the trees in the sense that all the other skills or abilities or good sides of people go unnoticed, because that one irritating thing. In the past I have spent a lot of time listening to people complain about one another, but again from very single-minded points of view and myself in turn, having spent time explaining the sides of the person that are not so bad or indeed have even gone unnoticed. A lot of conflicts can simply be solved by encouraging people to identify good qualities in the people they have difficulties with and doing the same with the person causing the conflict and subsequently watching a change in behaviour as both parties suddenly snap out of a locked situation, because they become aware of the mutual respect created by both recognising each others’ qualities. Not rocket science but again, easily forgotten. And by the way – there is no such thing as a perfect human being so no point trying to pretend you are one. Instead approach the world with appreciation and respect and you yourself will experience the same towards you.

4. Do you like surprises?
I’m frequently delighted by the connections I’m able to think up and the ideas that come from that and by sharing them, the true surprise comes from what happens thereafter. Helping people by listening to them, giving some unbiased advice, introducing them to other people, you name it – those are good things to be doing, because you yourself feel good having done them, but equally positive surprises come your way, things that you never planned or even predicted, but things that could only have happened as a result of you initial kind effort. I love surprises.

5. Does solving problems give you a buzz?
Problems can exist on many levels: practical, social, psychological or a combination of all three. Some people can only deal with practical problems and shy away from problems that people have, others like to listen to people and their troubles, but don’t want to their hands dirty in anything practical and again others like to think of all the answers themselves. Problem-solving is a combination of being practical, understanding that you can’t possibly have all the answers yourself, being creative and lateral in your approach of who you need to speak to and also being creative in thinking of alternatives. You either view solving problems as a delightful challenge or you are daunted by them. Many problems can indeed be daunting, but do they paralyse you or do you just stare at them for a while and then start chipping away determinedly until you get to the heart of the matter? That is also the test of your effectiveness as a connector, because your creativity in approaching a problem will take you to talk to a lot of people, investigate different options and ultimately the buzz of solving the problem will make you want to solve another one soon.

6. Are you humble?
Humility is a great thing – humility means you can talk to anyone, regardless of rank and connect with them. Humility means you respect the person in front of you, not because they might be someone very important, but because they are human. We are all human, and being respectful to one another means we eliminate so many of the friction points that cause connections to be lost, and the reasons people often hesitate to help, because they worry their kindness will be abused. If you are humble, those concerns don’t even enter people’s minds, regardless of your rank.